Eh seems to be one of my favorite words lately. So I began to think which is somewhat hard currently because of a teeth infection. I’m getting new teeth and all its just I’m only on day two of antibiotics.
Eh has kind of evolved from eh, I don’t know… to eh, I just need to rethink. Sometimes the very first way I do something is right and beautiful others times its crap. Its funny sometimes how we just don’t know what we need. Usually its just a change a reinvention or different perspective.
I’m not really trying to sell myself but there is so much to the variance of looking from the outside in than from the inside out. Because of my health care background I’m empathetic but too much can become pathetic. Dang I can hardly keep myself from writing in poetic lyrical form but to get to the point.
Not knowing what I need makes me think about what I do. This is true. I’m down to about a song or two a day currently, sorry lyric it’s because I’ve actually dedicated like up to an hour focus for an artist. Sure it seems easy; my very first poem was this simple. I was fourteen. “When even sunny days seem gloomy and dark and life itself has lost its spark I just look back reflect and think of you” I think the second one was something like “The sickening sickness, the sleaze, crime corruption and disease if we don’t change the state of this Earth in the future it will have no worth.”
These were just silly growing pain type hormonal poems a young lad, a late bloomer; myself. You know the introvert, feeling sorry for himself ponderous type moments but I had a happy place I went to a lot as a lad. It was by a small lake some may consider a pond. In hindsight it always has been and will be the ponderous pond. These were days I was like a fish swimming all the time and these were the days of sitting near the small beach out of sight from anybody finding a bare spot of grass and just seeing the world in one foot area. Well something like that; like I said I’m still not feeling par; definitely like no star.
I think the main point I’m getting to here is we all need our happy places. I think I was about 15-16 when I wrote something about peering into the reflections of diamond rippled water feeling so depressed for no real apparent reason and it basically ended in my wanting to save and savor the feeling in a golden flask and ending with no one knows what transpired except for me and my lake so desired. I think. That one is private and I wouldn’t write the whole thing out even if I could remember it. Funny thing is I do remember every lyric I wrote…well sorta…its an odd thing.
I had a great childhood really. I was the guy who skipped school a lot because honestly it was easy. I think I needed like 1/4 credit my senior year and my lowest grade was like a C in calculus or something. Oh yeah, on my calculus final because I didn’t care if I failed I just turned it over and wrote a poem; handed it in to my teacher giving her kudos and being retrospective about my high school experience.
They even made a rule about me missing 150 school days my junior and senior year. My best friend skipped the same amount of school but we both graduated. I screwed up and scored like a 98% for some military test but I didn’t know what it was for. They came a banging at my door for like two years. I’m not telling you this as a braggart though. My principle used to get so pissed off asking me why I missed so much school and how the hell I went to chemistry class and scored higher than the kids there all week and who studied their asses off. I think I told him it was common knowledge.
I don’t think that went over to well as he just shook his head and went back up to the office. I never took a book a home, I never studied. The truly smart kids used to get so pissed off at me too. I even outscored the valedictorian, co- salutorians, all that. But because I missed like 150 days and didn’t apply myself I only ended up in the top twenty-five percent of my class and 6-7 credits over including college prep. For twenty years after I graduated he’d still raze me calling out my old home phone number because he had to call so much. Eh, I was just a good test taker.
Anyway the point is intelligence is not the key to success, empathy is not key to success. Hard work or work with determine, dedication and follow-through are the keys to success. Eh, is not dismissive. It cues me to think better with determination. I’ll figure what I need but hey having those truly smart people around me sure helps. In some ways focusing on an artist helps me help myself. I probably could have been valedictorian or went to some fancy college but I’d be miserable as a person could probably be conforming to simple tasking, never thinking outside the box and all that. I’m not a conformist nowadays but I guess I am a structurist if that makes sense.
I’m not dismissing intelligence and empathy from being contributing factors. And here’s the really cool thing because I half-assed things for so long in my life my reinvention of self is follow-through, dedication, determination and never stopping getting something right for you no matter how complicated at first it may seem. Sure there are things I can’t do, there are many things I can’t understand, there are complex problems with no resolve in music too but if we just say Eh I will eventually know somehow to do or not do it.
I’m a moron who rambles too much but I’m more on than off usually and just because I like or don’t like something surely doesn’t mean you will but I think there are good probabilities and predictibilities to it. Remember school was easier in the 90’s, early 90’s especially. I’m definitely no mensa or genius type guy. In fact you may think I’m not too smart if you meet me. You might even think I’m going off the deep end sometimes but I’ll bring back around right and practical in structured form. Some artists rhythms are real easy especially females. Men are harder read even though I’m male.
Lyrical Lyripella Man
“I bring it to you the best I truly can.”